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hs17150.jpgbuy prints of select* halfsquatch photographs at etsy or dawanda. (*prints of all photographs are available upon request) day 17

“Good morning,” Tucky said. The microphone screeched. Tucky cleared his throat and tried again. “Good morning everyone. I’m Tucky Thompson, proprietor of this here establishment, and as many of you have heard…. Hell, everybody in the goddamn world has heard by now – or they will after today, hey? — that two nights ago I shot and killed a Sasquatch.”

The reporters, Sasquatch enthusiasts, tourists and curious locals buzzed. A couple of reporters jumped up from their folding chairs and shouted over each other, trying to get in a question.

Tucky held up a hand to silence them. “Now simmer down. There’s plenty of time for questions.” He looked directly at the hub of television cameras that were trained on him. “As I was saying – two nights ago I shot and killed a Sasquatch. Since that time I have decided that it’s only fair to let all you good people get a look at her before I send her off to be preserved so she can be enjoyed for many years to come.”

Jeremy sighed. So she can be enjoyed. He was sitting in the second of four rows of metal chairs, taking notes. Paula Winter, who was seated next to him, elbowed his side and shushed him.

Tucky continued. He explained to the room that starting that very morning and for one week only, you – yes, you, you and you, too — would have the chance to have your picture taken with a real, live — well, not exactly live; dead, actually — Sasquatch for the low, low price of just twenty dollars. Cash, debit, Visa and MasterCard accepted – no personal cheques.

“Sorry about your cat story,” Jeremy said to Paula even though he wasn’t.

“Yeah, well. I still think there’s something there.”

“I thought they dropped the charges.”

“They did,” Paula said, wishing Jeremy would drop it.

“Well, good luck with that,” Jeremy said, and then stood to address Tucky. “Mr. Thompson – have there been arrangements made for any DNA testing, and if so, when do you expect results?”

“Good question, Jeremy. Yes, all you nay-sayers out there can stop waggin’ your tongues once we have those DNA results. I’m talking to a fellow in Edmonton later today and if he agrees to do the test we’ll have the results in about a week. But I would say that if you’ll all just follow me outside and take a look at what I’ve got you’ll agree that this baby’s a true blue Sasquatch.”

The crowd filed out of the lodge and walked around to the back of the building, where Andrea stood in front of a shed, her arms crossed, her expression typically stern. Tucky gave her a signal – a salute, in fact – to open the locked door. The Lady Sasquatch stared blankly through the plexiglass as the crowd crushed forward to gawk at the peculiar creature. Tucky announced that the Lady Sasquatch would be available for viewing and photos at noon, following an hour of five-minute, junket style interviews with the press. And again, Tucky reminded them: pictures for only twenty dollars apiece — cash, debit, Visa and MasterCard accepted, no personal cheques.

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                                                                                                                                                          ©2008 pamela klaffke